Motivating a young athlete can be tricky. I did it by placing the emphasis on their effort and it motivated them throughout their young lives. This is my story:
I walked my son into a cavernous gym with multiple basketball courts that were brightly lit and shockingly cold. The entire floor was covered with kids dribbling and shooting basketballs. The sound of the basketballs slamming on the court was competing with blaring whistles being blown to signal the beginning of tryouts. My son’s eyes were wide open in both astonishment and anticipation of the process he was about to experience. As I walked him to the sign-in location for his age group I overheard a father say to his son, “Go out there and be the best!” Wow, I thought, that’s a tall order. What if being the best wasn’t possible for him. Afterall, out of the hundreds of kids who were there that day, only one could be the best.
When it came time for me to hand my son off to the coach who would be judging his skill level and deciding his fate, I paused for a moment before delivering my parting words. I didn’t want to say anything that would make him nervous, and I knew very little about basketball so advice on technique was off the table. I turned to him, looked him in the eyes and said, “Be the hardest working kid on the court.” A look of determination washed over his face. He leapt into action and shouted over his shoulder as he darted away, “Okay Mom!”
Kids Control Their Effort
This was one of the few occasions that I actually felt like I had said the right thing. Working hard, his level of effort, was the one thing that was completely within his control that day. Whether he made the team was a subjective decision that was not. But his chances of making the team were far greater if he gave all that he had to give, 100% effort, and left everything on the court. It was a doable “ask” that encouraged him.
Outcomes are often subjective and may not be an accurate reflection of your child’s ability. My kids competed academically, in multiple sports, and in the performing arts. Sometimes they didn’t get playing time because the volunteer coach felt pressure to play his kids’ friends. Sometimes they did not get the part because they were too tall or had brown hair or because the director favored kids with more experience. Sometimes they got a poor grade because the material was too advanced and taught in a way that did not align with their best method of learning. And of course, there were times when they didn’t achieve their goals because they just weren’t good enough…yet. Circumstances will not always be perfect, predictable, or fair. But praising their effort rather than focusing on the outcome, puts the spotlight on something they can control and helps maintain their motivation to learn, train, and compete.
When They Achieve Their Goals, Highlight Effort
Let’s face it, the ratio of effort to success is never equal. Hours, days, weeks, months and years of hard work are often necessary to achieve one goal. Even after a goal is achieved focusing on what it took to get to that point underscores the importance of sustained hard work. It helps kids draw a connection between their effort and success. They will rightfully feel pride in their hard work which in turn feeds their self-esteem and keeps them motivated to develop and maintain a strong work ethic. And with a strong work ethic, the accomplishments will begin to add up and build upon each other.
When They Fail, Highlight Effort
When they fall short of their goal it is discouraging and frustrating. But what happens next matters most. Placing the emphasis on increasing their effort in the future gives your child an opportunity to do something about it. It enables them to take a proactive approach to changing future outcomes. Instead of giving energy to circumstances beyond their control, they can direct their energy in a positive way toward what they can control, their level of effort. And being in control of something is empowering.
Naturally, kids want to succeed but they also want the approval of their parents. It’s important for them to understand that you value their effort. If they fall short of their goal but know that their parents admire their effort and are proud of them for being brave enough to compete it is often all the inspiration they need to keep working.
Offer Motivational Reminders to Inspire Effort
I have always been a huge fan of inspirational stories and quotes. I use them a lot as a reminder to my kids that only through hard work can they become the best version of themselves. It’s essential and it is everything. The Owen Marecic quote at the top of this article is one of my favorites and the story behind it is moving. Owen Marecic played football for Stanford University. In his senior year, he was a starter on both offense (as a fullback) and on defense (as a middle linebacker). [1] On September 15, 2009, Marecic scored two touchdowns in one game against Notre Dame, one on offense, and one on defense. He played with such intensity that he cracked three helmets in collisions with his opponents that season. His coach, Jim Harbaugh, wanted to keep one of the helmets in his office to remind him of what hard work and toughness is, so he asked Marecic to inscribe one. Marecic recalled a quote from his high school days.
“’Today give all that you have, for what you keep inside you lose forever.’ I thought he’d like that quote and appreciate seeing [it] in his office everyday,” Marecic said. [2]
And I thought this was a perfect quote for my kids to see everyday. So, I printed it out and tacked it to a cork board in our mudroom that they passed before leaving the house. It was one way to highlight effort. It served as an everyday reminder that, no matter what they were doing that day, their goal should be to give it their all, 100% effort.
And for years I continued to remind them of this goal. I dropped my kids off at thousands of practices for soccer, musical theater, softball, basketball, football, baseball and volleyball. Before they leapt out of the car, I delivered the same reminder… “Be the hardest working kid.” Over and over. I never realized how important this message was to them until my son was in college. He was a freshman playing D-1 baseball when he was given his first opportunity to start a game. I texted him before I arrived at the field to wish him good luck. He replied, “Say the thing.” I wasn’t quite sure what he was referring to, so I responded with, “???” “Come on, Mom,” he replied, “the thing you always say when you drop me off for practice.” Then I knew exactly what he meant and so I texted, “Be the hardest working kid on the field,“ and added, “Love you and so proud of you always.”
[1] https://amp.foxsports.com/stories/college-football/college-footballs-top-10-two-way-players-of-the-past-30-years
[2] https://footballfoundation.org/news/2010/12/14/_50721.aspx
